Setting boundaries is a common topic in the spiritual community these days. It is for good reason. Setting boundaries is an important contribution on the journey to emotional well-being. When we do so we are standing our ground and affirming that we are worthy enough to ask for what we need, and say No to what we do not.
My top 3 thoughts on Boundary setting:
Boundaries are so hard to establish. Trust me, I know. Establishing boundaries is much more difficult then it may seem. First, we must get clear on our own personal limitations. We each have our own personal limits in our personal lives, relationships, friendships, and in our professional lives - i.e: deadlines, obligations we place on ourselves or allow others to place upon us. Everyone has there own limit. Our limit or edge is the place where if we push further we loose our peace and don’t show up the way we would like to for ourselves and for the people you love. It can also contribute to a host of other things such as anxiety, panic, depression, insomnia. Learning our limitations occurs through Self-Awareness. In Yoga we refer to this as Witness Consciousness. Practice by simply pausing and noticing through-out the day. How do you feel when you overextend yourself and where is the place right before you do so? You can also journal on it or talk to a friend about there own limitations to get an idea of a place to start.
Second, we must obtain confidence in the fact that we are enough and worthy of boundaries. We are enough even when we say No, or I prefer this - respectfully. Most people will accept your boundaries with open arms. If they don’t, pretty high chance they have blurred boundary lines as well. We must not let this sabotage our own growth. Practicing Yoga and meditation builds our confidence and helps instill a belief that we are worthy of our space in this world.
3rd is practice. Practice establishing a clear boundary. Because it simply does get easier with practice. It becomes your new norm. For example: “I would love to stay and talk with you longer, I so enjoy it, but I must get going.” Or: "I would love to take on that additional task at work, but I feel I work best and most affectively with the current workload I have already". Then once you are in a different setting with yourself, check in. How does it feel? Maybe strange at first. Maybe freeing. Once you are grounded in your boundaries, you will know when they are being crossed and you can take action to set them. Your health, emotional wellbeing, and loved ones will all benefit when you create boundaries. It is not selfish. It is an inspiration for others to do the same.
May we all continue to strive for freedom and wellbeing because we deserve nothing less.